I'm a survivor to be celebrated

(pixifant/Pixabay)

Trigger Warning: Suicide

Very few people know this and it is something I want to share. It might even be healthy for me to share.

I'm a suicide survivor.

While my attempt did not involve a blade nor a bullet, it did involve a very large amount of alcohol, my car, and a bridge on Interstate 22.

Throughout my life, I have flirted with and even romanticized suicide. Years of mental and sometimes physical abuse have left many, many scars on me. Years of never learning to process guilt along with blaming myself for things that I never had a reason to. So many things have led to a level of depression that only grew over the years.

Since that day, there is a plan in place for when I get mentally low. There are safeguards in place for me to either get to someone or someone get to me.

The very few that know this, always meet the admission with sympathy. And while I appreciate that sentiment, also celebrate me. I survived. I made it to the other side. I'm alive today to have discovered this bright, amazing thing about myself that brings me so much joy.

There are so many that don't.

I write all of this as an advocate.

I've done the research into suicide rates among those in the LGBT community. It saddens me to no end the ones that decide there is no other way out.

I promise you, there is light on the other side. There is purpose.

Surround yourself with people who love you and people you can lean on. Do not give in to the despair. It does get better, even if the fight to do so is hard.

If you are ever in a crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline by dialing 988.

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According To Ashlee

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